


Showing Care

by Lwoorl



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Redemption starts from the self, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21817243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lwoorl/pseuds/Lwoorl
Summary: Damian realizes he hasn't been doing a good job at showing his feelings to others. Worried Richard might not realize he cares about him, he tries to improve at it. It's easier said than done.Fic written for the Robin Christmas Exchange.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson/Damian Wayne
Comments: 12
Kudos: 169
Collections: Robin Christmas Exchange 2019





	Showing Care

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MFLuder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFLuder/gifts).



> I realize this ended way more platonic than you probably wanted, but I hope it's still good.

Damian isn't good at putting what he feels into words. He knows that, alright? He  _ knows.  _ He's harsh and rude and some might even say way too mean, sometimes it's like he can't let a single good thing leave his mouth. 

He used to be fine with that fact, proud even. The knives between his teeth just as sharp as the ones in his hands, something he could blandish around to cover any trace of weakness. 

Now… Well. Not as much. It's not like he wished for everyone to see behind his facade, he still can't understand people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, unarmored and exposed, like a nudist on a blizzard... But even Damian has to admit the innate hostility causes more problems than it solves, ever since he was dropped into a world where he needs to depend on other people almost as much as he needs to depend on himself.

Still, Damian would like to think he's doing a decent job at showing what he feels, at least as far as others need to know. He can't say I love yous or Take cares or I miss yous any more than he could before coming to Gotham, but he's learned how to quietly hand someone else a cup of coffee in the morning when they ask, how to stand a bit closer to people, and how to relax into a hug. Sure, his words are still coated in venom, but he makes up for it in other ways, and the people around him, the ones he really care about, they notice, and that's enough. Right? 

Or at least that's what he thought. And yet… And yet, last week, for Richard's Birthday, when Damian gave him a present the man was honestly surprised, his hands stilled when reading the card, he contained his breath while ripping through the paper, and his eyes went wide open while holding the portrait Damian had been busy working on for weeks now. 

Of course, Richard hugged him after and thanked him and smiled, and overall it was a happy memory, but it left Damian thinking. Is it really that unexpected for him to be nice? If  _ Richard,  _ of all people, didn't expect to get a birthday present from him, then it's sure to say no one would. 

That… Leaves a bad taste on his mouth. He cares about people, he can admit it, even if only in the security of his own head, they wouldn't… Think he didn't care, right? 

The fact it was Richard who was surprised by his affection is specially concerning. Damian is close to his brother, or at least he thought he was. They had a rocky start, sure, but they got closer and closer during their time as Batman and Robin, right? The thought Richard might not think the same way is… Concerning. 

He thinks about that, sits on the idea for days. He thinks about it, lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and at the end decides he should do something, just to make sure. Nothing big, just… Something, to show him that Damian cares. 

Now, the  _ how  _ to get his feelings across, that's a bit harder. Damian knows his limitations, he knows he won't be able to just  _ say it,  _ and just doing nice gestures without being first prompted is hard too. 

"So it's impossible, then?" He sighs, turning around to bury his face into his pillow. 

But then again… Then again, there's nothing that can't be learned if he puts his mind into it. And really, how hard can it be? Normal, civilian people show affection all the time, if they can manage it then surely he can too, it's just a matter of practice.

"Yeah, that's it." He decides. Next time he sees Richard, he's going to try to be nicer, even if it's so small the man doesn't notice, and eventually he will be able to do something that actually counts. 

The opportunity comes sooner than expected, just the next night after coming to his decision, when an Arkham breakout happens and Nightwing ends helping. 

At first Damian is too focused on the mission to even remember, following commands and securing criminals and trying not to get hit. But later, once everything calms down and they're back at the cave, he sees Richard falling onto a chair with a tired huff, and he sees a chance. 

Silently, making sure no one sees it, he retrieves a water bottle and leaves it besides Richard before quickly returning to the other end of the room. When Richard reached for the bottle and drinks it all in one gulp it probably shouldn't make Damian as happy as it does. 

He feels stupid almost instantly. The action is small and unnoticeable, not something to be proud of in the slightest. He knows that, but he holds onto the certainty he can improve from then. After all, if you want to master a new weapon your first lesson isn't a sparring match, but just learning how to hold it. 

The next time he purposely tries to be nice happens a couple of days next, when Richard insists Damian must accompany him to the zoo. Once they're there, a little after passing the giraffes, but before reaching the aviary, Richard holds onto Damian's arm. 

It isn't a weird occurrence, Richard acts like he needs constant human contact to survive and will always end reaching for whoever ends hanging out with him. Usually Damian would shake him off, he starts opening his mouth to tell him to let go of him, and then realized this is an opportunity too. So he doesn't say anything and lets his brother keep his hand where it is. Richard doesn't comment on it, probably didn't even notice, but Damian's second small victory doesn't feel any less satisfactory because of it. 

The third time is even less noticeable. Richard gets hurt, badly enough to end in bed for a day, but nothing life threatening. Father and Pennyworth stick around the infirmary until Richard falls sleep and then go back to the manor. Damian leaves the cave too, but only a moment, to retrieve his cellphone from his room. Then he goes back down and sits beside his brother, interchangingly entertaining himself with ebooks or games. 

He leaves as soon as Richard's eyelids start moving, ready to open. So really, it's impossible anyone noticed that one. He still counts it as useful training anyway. 

The fourth time he handles him an umbrella, the fifth he points out "You got a new haircut.", the sixth Damian agrees to let Richard help him with his flexibility, and he loses count from there. 

It's still all small, worthless little actions, because he's still unable to do something that matters. It frustrates him, seeing just how inadequate Damian is at this, but doesn't stop doing it. Because, well, as small and tiny and stupid it is… Well, Damian would never admit the real reason is that he enjoys it. 

For the number twenty seven, or thirty eight, or who knows what number now, he's walking on the street with Richard, moving from store to store in search for Christmas gifts. 

Richard just found something for a coworker, or a friend, or maybe it's for father, Damian really wasn't paying attention. And he considers giving him a pat on the back, maybe even accompany it with a 'Good job'. He gets closer, raises his arm… And doesn't do it, instead moving to scratch behind his own ear to conceal the movement. 

It's not the first time he fails, but, the same way victories feel just as good as the first ones, loses never stop tasting like failure. He keeps quiet for the rest of the trip, not even thinking about going for a rematch, and lets his mind wander until Richard asks him something.

"What?" He asks, only a bit embarrassed he didn't hear the first time.

"I asked if you want something." Richard repeats. Damian shakes his head. 

"I'm fine."

"Hm. You sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, if you figure out there's something you want your dad won't get you just ask me. You deserve some special gift with how hard you've been trying this year."

"..What?" He asks, confused as to what his brother's talking about. He can't think of anything he's been doing this year different from other years…

"Well, you know." Richard raises an eyebrow. "The trying to be nicer and all." 

Damian stops walking and just… Stares. He was sure no one noticed, no one was  _ supposed  _ to notice. He hasn't even gotten to the point to do something noticeable yet, how… "You weren't supposed to notice yet." He mutters, sure his face is turning red. 

"Oh? And when was I supposed to notice?" 

Damian shrugs. Richard sets an arm around his shoulders and makes them go back to walking. He isn't looking at him, but Damian's sure there's a smile on his face. 

Taking forces from something he didn't know he had inside him, Damian takes a deep breath.

"I do care about you." He says. It feels like wining an impossible battle. 

"I know."

"Of course you know." He nods. And it makes all the problems he went through a bit pointless, if he always knew what he was trying so hard to say, but he doesn't feel frustrated at all. 

"I love you too." Richard adds and Damian jumps, moving away from him. 

"I never said-!" He starts to protest, but is cut off by Richard's laughter and before he knows it, he's trapped into a hug. 

"Whatever." He huffs into Richard's chest, still vibrating as he laughs. Damian won't admit it, but he's smiling. 


End file.
